Intentions. I intended to watch the streaming video of Kara’s half-marathon in Chicago in July. I meant to hop online to watch the World Championship events, including the women’s marathon, this August. But I didn’t, and I never got around to blogging about the coverage; and the weekends the elites came to town (for the Healthy Kidney 5k and the Nike NYC Half-Marathon) I of course had immutable plans to be away. Not only was I disappointed at missing out on motivational spectating, but I was disappointed in myself–what kind of fan was I? Add to that the strange mix of feeling snookered and crushed when I learned that Twitter’s @KaraGoucher was an imposter, and it’s been a pretty dry season for me as far as keeping up with the elites.
Remedy. Thanks to EN and LW I am feeling a little bit more plugged into the elite loop again–they both forwarded the Facebook notification that Kara would be giving a Q+A then going for a run with everyone at tonight’s Niketown workout. For various reasons I couldn’t stay for the run part, but there was no way I was missing the Q+A. I needed to hear what she had to say–lately I have been sliding down that slippery slope of discouragement and I knew Kara would help me stop that nonsense. In fact, I was prepared to ask her just that–“how do you train through and past discouraging setbacks”–if given the chance.
Connection. Ultimately it didn’t matter that I was unable to ask her, since her responses to 
some of the other questions were so thoughtful and heartfelt that I heard what I’d come to hear. When asked to describe the 24 hours before and the 24 hours after a marathon, she literally got choked up and shed a tear recalling the emotions. The night before, she writes a letter to her family talking about the journey of her training; the day after she says she is very emotional as she absorbs and processes what she’s just accomplished, and that when she’s done with a marathon, she has new respect for her body and her self. I was right there with her, choked up and recalling every race I finished in tears, or gulping down the lump in my throat (and not because of a poor time). I remembered that overwhelming feeling and knew with a shiver I wanted to feel that again–that is why I race, because it’s an opportunity to bathe myself in that rare pool of emotional intensity.
Baptism. Kara Goucher, I am renaming you Kara Guru because what you said about how you push through the wall was so true. You said, “It’s just running, you can do it. Your training has proven that your body can do it even though you may not PR but you can finish.” I struggle with that. The idea of training for months, putting myself at risk for injury, only to go out there on race day and flop out, run a third-rate time (for me) is completely off-putting. But Kara, you didn’t concede that you would ever settle for third-rate, rather you demonstrated an attitude to get through a less-than-optimal performance. That was helpful, truly.
Repetitions. It’s exactly 30 days until my goal race, the Baltimore Half-Marathon, which I am hoping to run in Dan’s honor, wearing my Team Fox singlet. I am bagging the Queens Half (on September 20th, which I was going to run as a litmus test for Baltimore), because I haven’t been able to do any long runs as part of my recovery from my re-injury. I’m allowed to run the Fifth Avenue Mile, but not race it. (Really now, what’s the FUCKING point then??) I can’t believe I’m in this place again, where I’m a month from my race and I’m injured and unable to complete training and thinking about dropping it. I can’t fucking believe it–and I feel like a complete jackass, a weakling, and the kind of fool who pays the price not once but twice. Oh, self- recriminating is a pretty constant activity for me these days (wish it burned more calories). TK, you simply can’t run anymore without also conditioning your core, and strengthening the rest of your body. Accept it, integrate it, and lay off the goddamn red wine.
Perseverance. In the meantime, I am keeping Kara’ words in mind, and having faith that when I finally do cross a finish line after 13.1 or 26.2 miles, the emotional wallop will be amplified by the discouragement through which I’ve trained. Right?
Right.
Being injured totally sucks. I’ve been going through the same thing for the past month, unable to do much of anything.
There probably isn’t another person on the planet that could finish 10th in Worlds in the marathon while puking half a dozen times during the race. Just incredible physical and mental strength. When Kara gets the fluid/carbo intake thing figured out, look out.
Being injured really does suck. I got injured a couple of years ago and faced the fact that core strength and conditioning must become part of my routine if I wanted to continue running and racing. I decided to embrace it and I believe that it has kept me injury free (knock on wood) since then.
I agree with your assessment except for the red wine. Gotta have that, though in moderation (however, I’m biased since winemaking is my “other” hobby).
Hang in there, it will come together for you!
Sounds like it was a good event. I had wanted to go, but couldn’t drag myself out of bed yesterday morning so had to do my own run in the evening instead.
Anyway, hang in there. This injury stuff will pass. You will be back and you will feel even better for having known how much you missed it. Work the core, do everything they tell you and don’t cheat on all the exercises.
TK ~ your strong minded. Work though this and you shall come out the other side, stronger in body as well.
I know about injuries. They sure do suck. But, when you can come back and run and feel good, WOW!!
I am rooting for you all the way!!
How great to hear Kara speak! And injuries are the worst. I know you’ll get through it!
TK, last year I had a stress fracture that took me out of PDR, Chicago, Marine Corps and all the little races in NYC. I didn’t do anything but sit around and read your blog!
You on the otherhand were having an amazing training season and getting ready to “Fly” through NYC!! After reading your account of the marathon, I couldn’t wait to start running again. Although, I sat out for another month.
I ran a 1/2 in May and PR’ed, by about 45seconds, but that wasn’t my goal. My goal was to make it through the race comfortably after my injury.
Like Kara said, sometimes it is not about one-upping yourself. Sometimes you need to just go out there and remember that you enjoy running and run for fun.
You will fully recover from your injury. I have no doubt. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to get back to the speediest condition and remember that you do love to run. And I would think, you’d rather run slower than to never run again at all, right?!?!
Plus, I need you to guide me over ‘your’ bridge before my big day on 11/1. Maybe we could do a nice slow run one night after work?!
Hang in there and chin up. Dan will be proud to watch you in Baltimore whether you are zipping by him or running an 11min mile!
PS
PS, of course you are right. And I am up for a run over my bridge whenever. I will email you a few dates. We could even make it a longer run, if you want–say 10 miles? When is your next 10-miler slated for?
PS,
I dunno if somethings wrong with me today or what, but that (what you wrote) made me all emotional. That was beautiful.
hey, I’ve never seen kara speak. Instead of just telling you about it next time I think I’m gonna GO with you. Good to see you the other night – I think I missed the best part of the game though!