H Is for Heartbreaker

Tuesday was Day 1 of my training cycle for the Virgin London Marathon, and I was supposed to run 3 miles. Since that would require cutting the mileage I’d built myself up to, I said forget it. (Who ever cuts mileage the week leading into Christmas? How am I supposed to have seconds of Mom’s cheesecake if I run 3 instead of 4? No way, I gotta go with the cheesecake.) I had a bit of a tingle when I was getting ready for my workout–you know, from the awareness that I was taking the first step of hundreds of thousands that would lead me to race day–but when I stepped outside it was replaced with a shiver. 

Fresh starts are perfect opportunities, apart from the fact that they cruelly jump off the back of an ending. There will always be something missing, that’s just the way life goes, even when I’m running strong towards a marathon goal. Passage towards somewhere new means leaving another place behind. 

The sidewalks were inconsistently cleared, with snowdrifts left from the plows at every corner, so I ran in the bike lane. There was a fair amount of cars on the road even at 6 AM, and for safety I was running against traffic. This meant I was running my Sunnyside Loop reverse to my normal direction. Sometimes, when I’m brainstorming a project in my office, I’ll sit in one of the guest chairs to literally get a new perspective. Turning around meant I was running into the wind; it meant I had to take time to reacquaint myself with the roads; it meant I made an unusual turn down 51^st Street and was delighted when I ran past the wreathed firehouse (which I never knew was there). 

Recovering from injuries, dropping out of races, acknowledging the limits and needs of my body–if these things never happened to me, I’d be another person entirely. More glib, less appreciative. 2009 taught me that sometimes the most control I can have over a situation is to wait it out and hope for the best. It taught me to appreciate the One Good Run in the middle of months and months of terrible workouts. It taught me when to approach with caution, and when to be all in. They say to be careful what you wish for, meaning I suppose that getting what you most want will always be a devil’s bargain. It’s true, but how do you ever really know what you want if you are never asked how much you’d pay to get it?

4.19 miles in 40:36; 9:48 pace; fastest mile 9:34; slowest mile 9:58. 

Songs I ran to: “Hard Core Troubadour” by Steve Earle, “Hard to Explain” by The Strokes, “Hard to Handle” by the Black Crowes, “Hash Pipe” by Weezer, “He Can Only Hold Her” by Amy Winehouse, “Head Over Heels” by Tears for Fears, “Heads Roll Off” by Frightened Rabbit, “Heart of Glass” by Blondie, “Heartbreaker” by Led Zeppelin, “The Heat” by Anjulie, “Heaven Tonight” by Hole, “Hella Good” by No Doubt, “Henrietta” by The Fratellis