FreshDirect is not:
- a 1-800 hotline where masochists can call to be berated by sassy operators
- a CSA in which you have to buy a share ain order to get seven pounds of chard every other week
- an ovepriced, overcrowded national supermarket chain
I like to think I was chosen to host a FreshDirect House Party because I am such a loyal, admiring customer. (Also, because I am smart, funny, beautiful and humble. Yeah. Humble!) I’m a Chef’s Table member (membership is granted based on frequency of purchase, ha!) and am known amongst my friends and on Twitter as a FreshDirect fangirl, if you could imagine such a thing. (Imagine: me.)
FACT: FreshDirect is the best grocery delivery service on the planet, and even in outer space. My fandom is completely reasonable. No one would call me crazy. At least, not for this.
So, FreshDirect sent me enough swag for 14 goody bags, and gave me a gift certificate that covered my food expenses for the party! [Insert extra exclamation points here if you wish.] If I didn’t already have two cases of red wine left over from my housewarming party, I would have also gotten the wine for the party from FD, too.
Before and during the meal, I shared my favorite things and funny stories about FreshDirect.
- Favorite thing: ready-to-eat avocados! No waiting four days for them to ripen, nope! I can have guacamole immediately.This is a game changer, people!
- Another favorite thing: the customer service people are so kind and friendly. And helpful! And the delivery dudes are so respectful. And strong!
- Funny story: One time I was a little tipsy (okay, drunk) when I shopped FreshDirect. I guess I decided to browse the Brand-Name Deals. So two days later I opened my boxes to discover surprises like Teddy
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Prepared just for my order, this platter of rotisserie chicken said "serves six" but I had 12 guest and we ate half the platter. Abundance!
Grahams, Top Ramen and broccolini. This story is still cited by some of my Twitter followers as a classic@pigtailsflying tweeting moment.
The House Party people sent us quiz questions to ask but (no offense) they were really boring so I wrote my own. I also gave out cookbooks (thank you, employer) as prizes to whomever got the right answer. The right answer being of course highly subjective. Here is a sample question: Q. What is the best thing about FreshDirect?
- Fresh, organic, locally grown produce
- Cut-to-order meats and cheeses
- Superfriendly delivery dudes
- It keeps TK out of the grocery store
A: #4, of course! The only time I feel homicidal is when I’m in the grocery store. Shuffling old ladies squinting at labels on cans of creamed corn, snotty toddlers begging for Iced Cream-filled Extra Sugary Pop-Tarts, stoned frat boys buying beer and microwave burritos, moms in velour track suits texting their husbands, hipster couples discussing which French region produces better goat cheese. Shotgun, anyone?

Rotisserie Chicken (thx FD!), Baby Kale Salad, Guacamole, dipping veggies & tortilla. Not show: Onion & Anchovy Tart using FD's homemade puff pastry.
I also asked some icebreaker questions, which confirmed two things.
- My mom still confuses Africa and Asia. Understandable, really.
- Most of my friends are runners. WTF??
All joking aside, the absolute best thing about FreshDirect is that it makes it so insanely easy for me to gather up my friends and family and bring them together for libation and laughter. I love living alone (I fucking LOVE it), but my apartment feels most like a home when it’s full of people I love. The circularity of that formula is beautiful. There’s a reason that memories of taste, of dishes, and of meals are so resonant with us humans: we show our love for people by sharing our sustenance. FreshDirect allows me to love.
Thanks for the party, FD! xoxo, mwah! Ever yours, TK