A lot of hard lessons and heartbreak this year; take a shot of whiskey folks because the final analysis is pretty grim: I accomplished NONE of the running goals I set for myself for the year.
- Qualify for the 2010 Boston Marathon by running either the Flora London or ING New York City Marathon in under 3:45 — NOPE! This became an impossibility in late March when I injured my adductor brevis.
- Log 1,500 miles. — NOPE! I logged 1009.98, which, considering that I didn’t run for nearly 10 weeks in the first half of the year due to a muscle strain, is pretty darn good. It means an average of just under 20 miles per week, nothing shabby.
- Maintain my weight after I run London. — WHO KNOWS? I never ran London! I did gain some weight during my injury, but I lost it, then gained it again, lost it again…
- Set a new PR for the marathon, ideally breaking 3:45. — NOPE! See Goal #1.
- Set a new 10k PR, ideally breaking 50 minutes. — NOPE! My injury left me completely flat-out. It dialed my fitness practically down to zero; sure I went through the rehab exercises and got my heartrate up a bit on the elliptical machine, but by the time I was able to really train again, it was July and I simply wasn’t going to get my speed back in time for these PR goals (Goals #5 through #9). If I hadn’t had to back off because of my muscle strain, do I think I could have set these PRs? HELLS YEAH!
- Set a new 5k PR, ideally breaking 24 minutes. — NOPE!
- Improve upon my mile time of 6:36 at the Continental Fifth Avenue Mile (if I have no scheduling conflicts). — NOPE!
- Run faster legs during the Green Mountain Relay. — NOPE!
- Improve upon my watch time of 56:16 at the Mother’s Day Title 9k. — NOPE!
A few months ago, I went back and stole a peek at these goals and thought, what hubris! What a striving fool I was, so cocksure from my 2008 streak of PRs. And surely, there is some of that in there, but there’s also the germinating seed of a runner daring to imagine herself a faster, daring to push herself harder than she would have dreamed even 12 months earlier.
So what can I say I actually did accomplish this year? Let’s imagine I erased these goals halfway through the year, wiped the slate clean. What did I learn? Let’s all agree that becoming a great runner isn’t just about getting faster, but also about getting wiser. Because if I look at 2009 in those terms, it’s safe to say that along with the setbacks, I’ve also made great strides.
I CAN SURVIVE IT. What a fucking year. My company, and my imprint specifically, were decimated during February layoffs. My Nana, who I love dearly, first fractured her pelvis and then had to undergo radiation for the reappearance of cancer. I was injured for months and had to cancel many racing plans and drastically recalibrate performance expectations. Add in healthy doses of general heartbreak, disappointment and struggle and all I know on today, the last day of the year, is that I’m still standing, stronger in every way.
PEOPLE LIKE ME. Even though I wasn’t going to return to the GMR a zippier version of myself, I knew I could still contribute by being the team captain. I set up a couple of meet-ups for NYC-area runners who blog, and met people I suspected I’d like and in fact, I like them very much. Even though I couldn’t tweet my workouts, I joined a community of runners on Twitter and found like-minded athletes who cheered me through recovery and through my first race back (Baltimore Half-Marathon). Now, we run together and I applaud their successes on the road as well. Year in and year out, running has brought people into my life who I trust, admire, and enjoy.
RIDE IT OUT. I am the woman who carefully lays her plans, who takes comfort in completing every step to get to her goal, and who does not adapt well at all when plans must be changed. I am the woman who has learned that plans are all well and good but that more often than not, they’ll have to be revised and/or scrapped entirely at many stages along the way to the ultimate goal. Believe it or not, this was the most bitter pill I swallowed all year. I hate being wrong, and boy oh boy did fate, chaos and circumstance prove me wrong this year. As one of my dearest friends likes to say, there are no moral victories. Perhaps that is true, but I have recently savored small victories and sweet triumphs that would have been overlooked by the TK of yesteryear.
I LOVE THIS SHIT. It’s like a lover lost and then returned: it’s sweeter the second time around. I appreciate and take greater pleasure in running now than I did before my injury. Having to live without it made me realize how desperately I need it in my life, to be the best TK I can possibly be.
IT’S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME. I raised nearly $10,000 for TeamFox in honor of my dear friend Dan who has Parkinsons Disease. I lived with my Nana for a week when she was still crippled and my Mom desperately needed a break. I cheered on others, including my brother, as they trained and raced. I raised my glass to my best friend as she published her first book to high critical praise.
THE BEST IS YET TO COME. Ending the year with two PRs–one of which was a win!–and a string of solid workouts, I am feeling confident once again. I am grateful I can run five days a week again, grateful my body accepted my ministrations and permits me to carry on with this passion for forward motion. And, I think, I think I think that perhaps I am in fact, just simply a better runner than I was this time last year, in all that that entails.
Running, I love you. Running, you sustain me. Running, without you I am less of a woman, less of a human. I’ll do whatever I have to so that you never leave me again!
Great writing TK. I really enjoy your blog, it always gets me thinking and its always really thoughtful- thank you for sharing your running triumphs and woes with us. It’s definitely shitty to not have crossed off those goals, but that’s just not the way life works, right? I think your list of “things I did accomplish” far outshines the list you didn’t even if you had crossed them off. You did some amazing, selfless things for family, friends and people you don’t even know by raising money for Team Fox. That is something to get excited about. I’m certainly happy for you and we just met! You kicked some ass at the end of this year with your PR’s and I’m sure thats just a sign of what 2010 has in store for you. 🙂 Rock on, girl. Great post. And If I don’t see you tonight, have a good run!
Excellent post. You had a terrific year! You overcame a terrible injury, dealt with untold work and family stress, rehabbed, selflessly cheered and encouraged others, and managed to end the year racing, PRing and winning. Dude, you kicked ass in 2009. Objective running goals are fun to write, but when you are injured they just don’t matter.
The character you exhibited in 2009 will last you a lifetime. You kicked ass in 2009.
Did I kick one ass or two? ‘Cause you said it twice. 😉
Thanks!!
I have to echoed what the other readers have said, you overcame some great obstacles and that is something to be proud and happy about. The goals can always be reached on years to come, the important part is to still chug along and despite the bad hand given to you, you got up and did the best you could. You did wonderfully in 2009 and 2010 awaits!
I echo the same sentiments. You accomplished more than you think this year. The running-specific goals will be there in 2010. You can BQ at the 2010 London Marathon, you can run 1,500 miles in 2010, you can PR in the 10K and the marathon, etc… those goals aren’t going anywhere.
Being injured is a humbling experience. We think we are invincible. But we’re not, the important thing is what you learned during injury. Clearly you’ve learned a lot. Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder. By being away from running during your injury, you realized just how much you love it. You’ve met some great people and raising $10,000 for Team Fox is nothing to sneeze at. You came back from your injury smartly, you listened to your body, eased back into running and broke the tape as the first female finisher in a race this year. Clearly, you’re ending 2009 on a high note.
Rock on girl, the best is yet to come for you and we’ll be there for you every step of the way.
Big hug Ari. Can’t wait to cheer you during the Poconos Marathon.
I will echo here but add more of my own stuff OK?
Mama Bear, you have such a beautiful soul and you certainly have the soul of a runner. The way you love and nurture it. The way you are smart about it. The way you rock it each and every time. Dude, girlfriend, TK, Mama Bear you got it going on.
You won a race lady. Who can say that? You rocked that shit. I told you this on twitter, but it needs repeating. Your pretty cool and I am so glad we became friends. I strive to be half the runner you are. HALF.
2010 is going to be an epic year for you. I know it. And Baby Bear just knows these things. So rock on your pretty self and smile. You the best!!!
Happy New Year and I love you!!!
I LOVE THIS POST. Who says you’re not a woman of hope:-) Keep up the good spirits, positive energy and I have a good feeling for 2010.
I’m glad you came into my life this year and I look forward to getting to know you even better in the coming year. Good luck with what’s to come.
Keep the positive energy, lady! London has NO idea about what’s coming to it in April:-)
Happy New Year!
“A Woman of Hope.”
I like that, E.
Wow, what a great post and a great reflection on the year. While maybe not the accomplishments you were looking for, they are *more* meaningful in so many ways!
HEY EVERYONE! Thank you so much for your comments! I can’t wait to tackle 2010, and to run with all of you!
This next year will be better. Take out the injury and 2009 would have been a whole different story.